evanescence-blog in a minor!

i never knew that i love you

2008-05-11T00:19:00.000-07:00

I don't think i knew that I love you
When i know you gotta leave me
when ever i felt lonely i think of you

the way I feel for you
I can't describe
It's almost too intense To verbalize

Essentially you're all I want for
basic'lly now in end I need you more
i Have never been so enamored
That's how I know i love you

All I need now is to be with you
and i Have never felt so lost
till i know you gotta away from me

Love is yours and mine Till the all time
i have underestimated the love in you
It's obvious these feelings now running so deep
I fall and fall more as go by

bitter or sweet but the memories
is all that i am taking with me
We both know I'm not what you You need

now I hope life will treat you kind
And I hope you will have all you've dreamed of
I wish you joy and happiness
But above all this I wish you love

the love that i never able to knew..................

THE SWEETEST GOOD-BYE

2008-05-11T00:13:00.000-07:00

Where you are seems to be
As far as an eternity
Outstretched arms open hearts
And if it never ends then when do we start?
I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say

How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how i
Dream away everyday
Try so hard to disregard
The rhythm of the rain that drops
And coincides with the beating of my heart

I'll never leave you behind
Or treat you unkind
I know you understand
And with a tear in my eye
Give me the sweetest goodbye
That I ever did receive

Pushing forward and arching back
Bring me closer to heart attack
Say goodbye and just fly away
When you comeback
I have some things to say

How does it feel to know you never have to be alone
When you get home
There must be someplace here that only you and I could go
So I can show you how I feel

SUNNY CAME HOME

2008-05-09T07:00:00.001-07:00

Sunny came home to her favorite room
Sunny sat down in the kitchen
She opened a book and a box of tools
Sunny came home with a mission

She says days go by I'm hypnotized
I'm walking on a wire
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire

Sunny came home with a list of names
She didn't believe in transcendence
It's time for a few small repairs she said
Sunny came home with a vengeance

She says days go by I don't know why
I'm walking on a wire
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire

Get the kids and bring a sweater
Dry is good and wind is better
Count the years, you always knew it
Strike a match, go on and do it

Days go by I'm hypnotized
I'm walking on a wire
I close my eyes and fly out of my mind
Into the fire
Light the sky and hold on tight
The world is burning down
She's out there on her own and she's alright
Sunny came home
Sunny came home...

GAME OF LOVE

2008-04-28T10:21:00.000-07:00

Tell me
Just what you want me to be
One kiss
And boom youre the only one for me
So please tell me
Why dont you come around no more?
Cause right now
Im crying outside the door of your love  store

It just takes a little bit of this, a little bit of that
It started with a kiss
Now were up to bat
A little bit of laughs, a little bit of pain
Im telling you my babe
Its all in the game of love

Love is
Whatever you make it to be
Sunshine
Instead of this cold lonely sea
So pleased baby
Try and use me for what Im good for
It aint saying goodbye
Its knocking down the door of your candy store

It just takes a little bit of this, a little bit of that
It started with a kiss
Now were up to bat
A little bit of laughs, a little bit of pain
Im telling you my babe
Its all in the game of love

You roll me
control me
Console me
Please hold me
You guide me
Dividedme
Into me
Out of me

So please tell me
don't you come around no more
Cause right now
Im dying outside the door of your loving store

'cause
It just takes a little bit of this, a little bit of that
It started with a kiss
Now were up to bat
A little bit of laughs, a little bit of pain
Im telling you my babe
Its all in the game of love


so again

Roll me
Control me
Console me
hold me
In this game of love
Im out here on my own

Lets play the game of love!!!!!!!!!!

hung-up

2008-04-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait
No time to hesitate
Those who run seem to have all the fun
I'm caught up
I don't know what to do

Time goes by so slowly
I don't know what to do

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you

Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

Ring ring ring goes the telephone
The lights are on but there's no-one home
Tick tick tock it's a quarter to two
And I'm done
I'm hanging up on you

I can't keep on waiting for you
I know that you're still hesitating
Don't cry for me
'cause I'll find my way
you'll wake up one day
but it'll be too late

'cause

Every little thing that you say or do
I'm hung up
I'm hung up on you
Waiting for your call
Baby night and day
I'm fed up
I'm tired of waiting on you

"I'm Gonna Getcha U!"

2008-04-24T08:13:00.000-07:00

Don't wantcha for the weekend, don't wantcha for life
I'm only interested if I can have you for a night
I know I sound serious because I am
You're a fine piece of real estate, and I'm gonna get me some land

So, don't try to run honey, love can be fun
There's no need to be alone when you find that someone

I'm gonna getcha U while I gotcha in sight
I'm gonna getcha U if it takes all night
You can betcha by the time I say "go," you'll never say "no"
I'm gonna gotcha, it's a matter of fact
I'm gonna gotcha, don't worry 'bout that
You can bet your bottom dollar, in time you're gonna be mine
Just like I should
I'll always gotcha good

I've already planned it - here's how it's gonna be
I'm gonna love you and - you're gonna fall in love with me

So, don't try to run honey, love can be fun
There's no need to be alone when you find that someone

Yeah, I'm gonna getcha baby I'm gonna knock on wood
I'm gonna getcha somehow honey yeah, I'm gonna make it good
So, don't try to run honey, love can be fun
There's no need to be alone when you find that someone

I'm gonna getcha U while I gotcha in sight
I'm gonna getcha U if it takes all night
You can betcha by the time I say "go," you'll never say "no"
I'm gonna gotcha, it's a matter of fact
I'm gonna gotcha, don't worry 'bout that
You can bet your bottom dollar, in time you're gonna be mine

'cause if like I should
I'll always gotcha good

You're the one

2008-04-20T07:03:00.000-07:00

When I first saw you, I saw love.
And the first time you touched me, I felt love.
And after all this time, you're still the one I love

Looks like we made it
Look how far we've come

We might took the long way
we knew we'd get there someday

they said, "I bet they'll never make it"
But just look at us holding on
We're still together still going strong

‘Cause
You're still the one I run to
The one that I belong to
You're the one I want for life
You're still the one that I love
The only one I dream of
You're still the one I kiss good night

Ain't nothing' better
We beat the odds together
I'm glad we didn't listen
Look at what we would be missing'

I'm so glad we made it
Look how far we've come it

You will always be the one I run to
The one that I only belong to
You're the one I want for my life
You will always be that I love
The only one I dream of
You will always be I kiss good night

u & only you!!!

2008-04-18T11:56:00.000-07:00

No matter what I do

All I think about is you

Even when I’m with my Boo,

I’m crazy over you

I love you and I need you

And it’s more than I’ll ever know,

It’s real & it’s for sure

I only count on your love,

Cause you don’t know what you mean to me

with love & obsession

GOOD-BYE

2008-04-17T22:16:00.000-07:00

I wake up with blood-shot eyes
Struggled to memorize
The way it felt between your thighs
Pleasure that made you cry
Feels so good to be bad
Not worth the aftermath, after that
After that
Try to get you back

I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to try
So this is goodbye

God damn my spinning head
Decisions that made my bed
Now I must lay in it
And deal with things I left unsaid
I want to dive into you
Forget what you're going through
I get behind, make your move
Forget about the truth

I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try
And you told me how you're feeling
But I don't believe it's true anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
So this is goodbye

I've been here before
One day I'll wake up
And it won't hurt anymore
You caught me in a lie
I have no alibi
The words you say don't have a meaning

Cause
I still don't have the reason
And you don't have the time
And it really makes me wonder
If I ever gave a fuck about you
And I...and so this is goodbye

Give me something to believe in
Cause I don't believe in you anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference,
It even makes a difference to try
And you told me how you're feeling
But I don't believe it's true anymore
Anymore
I wonder if it even makes a difference to cry
So this is goodbye
So this is goodbye

NO AIR

2008-04-16T03:37:00.000-07:00

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

If I should die before I wake
It's 'cause you took my breath away
Losing you is like living in a world with no air

I'm here alone, didn't wanna leave
My heart won't move, it's incomplete
Wish there was a way that I can make you understand

But how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air
Can't live, can't breathe with no air
It's how I feel when I know you ain't there
Got me out here in the water so deep
Tell me how you gonna be without me
If you ain't here, I just can't breathe
It's no air, no air

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew
Right off the ground to float to you
There's no gravity to hold me down for real

But somehow I'm still alive inside
You took my breath, but I survived
I don't know how, but I don't even care

So how do you expect me
to live alone with just me
'Cause my world revolves around you
It's so hard for me to breathe

No more air
It's no air, no air

Sweet child o' mine

2008-04-15T00:00:00.000-07:00

He's got a smile that Reminds me of my childhood memories he belongs to a place Where everything is as fresh as the bright blue sky Now and then when I see his face
It takes me away to that special place And if I stared too long I'd probably break down with joy

He's got radiant face that always ready to bring a smile with the touch of his make me warm and I never wish to pass him by Roused me up, the truth of his eyes he is splendor like a paradise to wonder every glance of his makes me strong And now I can see him beyond the shower

He's got eyes of the bluest skies And if they thought of rain I love to look into those eyes And this alleviates ounces of pain His hair reminds me of a warm safe place Where as a child I'd hide with him And pray for the thunder And the rain To quietly pass

me by

He's got innocent heart that never wishes for a single harm with his tender voice like a blossom to sense and now all I want is him somebody who will be with me like all this because I know If need him I will get him you know why

‘cause he is
Sweet child o' mine

n always will be child o' mine

UNFORGIVEN

2008-04-13T03:38:00.000-07:00

Who would have thought that you could hurt me the way you've done it? So deliberate, so determined And since you have been gone I bite my nails for days and hours And question my own questions on and on So tell me now Why you're so far away When I'm still so close try to put yourself at my place & than you will be able to count thousand of tears I’ve cried

I tried so hard to be attentive to all you wanted always supportive, always patient what did I do wrong & what is my own fault, is to love someone is a crime nowadays? I’m wondering for days and hours It’s clear, it isn't here where you belong Anyhow, I don’t want to wish you all the best ‘cause you don’t deserve but I hope you will you get along

You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry” that why you say it every time you said you would love me until you die And as far as I know you're still alive, baby You don't even know the meaning of the words "I'm sorry” than don’t you feel Isn’t it illegal to deceive someone’s heart? But can you really feel any thing

Now it’s the right time that you should open your heart and you should know it’s highly illegal to deceive someone’s heart, could you feel it especially when you even don’t know the meaning of being sorry than how would you think of it as

unforgiven

SCREAM

2008-04-11T03:01:00.000-07:00

Tired of injustice Tired of the schemes The plots are disgusting So what does it mean Kicking me down, I have got to get up As jacked as it sounds The whole system sucks Peek in the shadow Come into the light You tell me I’m wrong but you never care to better prove you’re right. Everybody lesser or more selling out their souls but now I even don’t care about mine. I’ve got to get stronger because I can’t give up the fight

With such confusions don’t it make me want to scream Your bash abusing victimize within the scheme You have been tried to cope with every lie they scrutinize Somebody please have mercy cause I just can’t take it Stop pressuring me cause it Makes me just want to scream

Tired of others selling their stories, your shameful way It’s causing confusion only. You think it’s okay You keep changing the rules While I keep playing the game I can’t take it much longer I think I might go insane oh my god, can’t believe what I saw As I turned on this morning I was disgusted by all of your discriminations, for a hell try to put yourself at my place than you will understand the gist of pain

"We Belong Together"

2008-03-13T10:16:00.001-07:00

I didn't mean it When I said I didn't love you so I should have held on tight I never should've let you go coz I didn't know nothing I was stupid I was foolish I was lying to myself I couldn't have fathomed that I would ever Be without your love Never imagined I'd be Sitting here beside myself 'Guess I didn't know you 'Guess I didn't know me But I thought I knew everything I never felt The feeling that I'm feeling Now that I don't Hear your voice Or have your touch and kiss your lips 'Cause I don't have a choice Oh, what I wouldn't give To have you lying by my side Right here, 'cause

When you left I lost a part of me It's still so hard to believe Come back baby please, 'cause We belong together Who else am I gonna lean on When times get rough Who's gonna talk to me at lonely nights Till the sun comes up I was foolish to think somebody gonna take your place There ain't nobody possible than ever Oh baby, baby ‘cause We belong together

I can't sleep at night When you are on my mind Bobby Womack's on the radio Singing to me 'If you think you're lonely now' Wait a minute This is too deep, too deep I gotta change the station So I turn the dial trying to catch a break And then I hear Babyface I only think of you And it's breaking my heart I'm trying to keep it together But I'm falling apart I'm feeling all out of my element I'm throwing things Crying Trying to figure out Where the hell I went wrong The pain reflected in this song Ain't even half of what I'm feeling inside I need you Need you back in my life ‘cause

When you left I lost a part of me It's still so hard to believe Come back baby please, 'cause We belong together Who else am I gonna lean on When times get rough Who's gonna talk to me at lonely nights Till the sun comes up I was foolish to think somebody gonna take your place There ain't nobody possible than ever Oh baby, baby ‘cause We belong together

Ps:-courtesy MARIAH CAREY - The Emancipation Of Mimi

THE WAY YOU ARE!!!!

2008-03-12T11:58:00.000-07:00

Glanced at you the very first time
Maybe I'm immoral but feeling right
Roused me up, the truth of your eyes
The world I seek inside of your life
You are like a blossom to sense
I want to embrace you so much
it’s long but splendor has arrived
and thank god now I feel alive
because You are too beautiful to be true
and I can’t take away my eyes off you

You'd be like paradise to wonder
now I just only want to surrender
but if you too believe in what I secure
Please let me know that it's for sure
I need you if it's quite all right
I plea you to warm my lonely nights
Will give you love without the pain
and show you light beyond the rain
because You are too implausible to be true
and I can’t take away my eyes off you

Pardon me for the way that I stare
Nothing else remains to compare
every glance of your leaves me weak
there is nothing left for me to speak
I want to be deep inside your heart
I just want to be everywhere you are
I want you to see me in every dream
To need me like the air you breathe
because You are too precious to be true
and I can’t take away my eyes off you

ps:-its not my own work , somebody has bestowed this on me, so in proper awe of the person!!!!
with love n affection n adore

ALL THE LOVE IN THE WORLD

2008-03-06T03:58:00.000-08:00

I'm not looking for someone to talk to, I've got my friends, and I’m more than ok
I've got more than one could wish for, I live my dreams but it's not all they say
Still I believe I’m missing something real, I need someone who really sees me
I've often wondered if love's an illusion; just to get you through the loneliest days
I can't criticize it. I have no hesitation; my imagination just stole me away
Still I believe, I’m missing something real, I need someone who really sees me
Love's for a lifetime not for a moment so how would I throw it away?
I’m only a human and nights are growing colder with no-one to love me that way,
I need someone who really sees me and I won't wake up alone anymore
Still believing one day you'll walk through my doors you’ll reach for me
and I’ll know it's for sure Then I’ll give all the love in the world to you…………

ps:-it's not my personal work!!!

THE TERMS OF ENDEARMENT

2008-02-29T02:17:00.000-08:00

These day, so much stress has been given to the word love, since life is going quicker & quicker and the time we, the humble populace have minor and minor and do not have enough time to love somebody except ourselves, which is the universal rule for sure. Because if I can not love myself, I would not be able to achieve any thing is this kind world. My desires and my expectations are inestimable, but still I pursue a lot to be humble enough to do the best for myself, because I am mainly devoted to me and would not & could not despite myself for the sake of my vivid and radiating prospects, which I have not seen yet but still, I feel they would be enormous. But in these circles of cradles, on going on and on I feel some times to be very alone, such that for whom I am actually doing all this, for myself off course yes or no, question existing yet?. So, is it enough for me?

Sometimes when I ask myself, why there is some hollow breathing space around me which I am not able to fill by myself, hence I need some one else to be in my side, a dear one, loving one, one who would care for me one who would stand for me at nights and at days, in sweet and in lames consistently. So to be précised an endearing one. Some one, with whom I can share even the minute affairs of my life, most of them even are still anonymous to me and with whom I would trust like the dullest shadow of my very own shape, a shadow which never departs or bilks the owner. Since now I am suffering from an extraordinary frail for being a firm skeptic of love even life and see myself not brawny enough to ensue the life without adore & affection. I guess this is not some thing associated with me only, it’s one of the most popular illness spreading these days like plague, has been infected all of us, but humans are born survivors and we have positively and daintily learnt how to make other believe that we are not in the band and we are enormously blissful to be a solo performer. I do not know to whom I am truly deceiving, to others who would never even care for this or else to myself because I am all to me, god discerns.

No it is not the matter that I have come from a different terrain or I do not belong to the same and common civilization. A question has been asked to me several times that in this lengthy passage of life, have not you met any one with, whom you would like to be an intimate buddy for a generation. No I have met plenty; many of them interested in me though every real aspect of life. But still I haven’t discovered a person who could be curious for my existence and character. It’s not a tough job to find someone, to be pleased about your glowing splendor, immaculate skin, vibrant eyes and miraculous aura, things which don’t even come with warranties & one day would arrive that with a rigorous causality, I will have to mislay each, bestowing me perks in this entity. As none has contacted up to my spirit yet and after losing these physical contents I would be elapsed naturally, like an evanescent as dogs bark at new moon only. It’s harsh but true; end of all has been predestined before their origin. My whole substantial corpse, yes corpse for sure not the body because without a pat of emotion and sentiments we couldn’t be distinguished us to being alive.

Still I am a bit confused between the loving and the liking. Because what I see is the fondness everywhere the liking, the term of attraction. If somebody is not stunning enough to draw the attention of others, it would be definitely harder to find your true inmate and I guess it would need more time to come over. This is the thing that strikes me the most and some times I feel these vast terms are for all those who have exceeded in their assessments of emergence like an emperor with his eyes torn out although a Lehman is still choking for a crust of bread just to prove his existence. Earlier I was feeling forlorn, was deliberately wanted to be someone who could comprehend me but they are not looking for me, but a creature, someone with an adequate spectacular to accomplish them in pursuits and they could be proud on, an item belongs to none & tough to acquire. Even if you have to make a choice in near future one would go for the fascinating lover, the best accessible in ones range. Several times I have been charged for being biased that I never allow others to enter at my doors, especially people who aspire so many stuffs from my side to join me or to let them be in my side, some thing which I have always regretted off. And why shouldn’t I be?

Many know you, although you haven’t done anything to earn any name and fame but you’re almost famous. People are on familiar terms with your era of glory, posh benefits and physical possessions, and it’s not their error as they can distinguish only the exteriors. They would never able to spot the extent of naive heart, the porosity of supple thoughts, the immense talents, beauty of mind and the divinity of perpetual soul, because they would never able to configure the tweeting of my heart beats . Although these things are must to attach with some one, to love someone to endear someone but not necessary to like some one so you can skip it very well. And if somebody has tried it than only to hoard their self seeking gestures. I feel love is such a massive nod that even a sightless would recognize it & a deaf would heed it and nothing can be shameful than that you are counting, your blessings for me, on my own visage just to prove your forged devotion towards me.

When someone ask me what is the truest existing definition of love in this cosmos, I have always said “the way parents love their children, but not necessarily vice-versa”, this love has never changed since from the origination , and wont be even in thousand years forward. I have never heard a parent to declare to their child that they don’t be love him anymore because he has amended a lot from before, or now they are not feeling comfortable to fit the child in their lives as the time they conceived him & would not be able to resist him anymore, or they want to exchange their kid for the sake of the better one, because they immeasurably love us not just like us, like a portion of them and will always be the same immortal ones, and I am really thankful to god for this, to provide us at least, one single opportunity to feel loved once in a life time. Again question existing is the same, I am still alone, I am single and singles are not allowed to mingle, but confusion has became wide even. Whether should I fasten to my statutes or should I give up, since as I had said, I have met plenty of them ready to be pleased by me, but me the unlucky one hasn’t have a single one to identify me, to interpret my mind, to sense my feelings, to hold my hands in perils and to endear me, and I guess this all is because of my soaring convictions towards my

TERMS OF ENDEARMENT!!!!

WHO KNEW!!!!

2008-02-25T09:47:00.000-08:00

Life shows us those scenes that we would have never imagined, some times good, some times bitter, sweet and scratchy even, but the thing is nobody knows what would be the next plot of whom there going to be a victim. Like one happened on the very own grounds of this entity, between two indissoluble souls, who never knew the subsequent deed would be thrown to them, the one me and the other you and hence who knew.

I still remember the very first momentary meet with you, who ended in whiles, it was the first time but incredible one, a short knocked me so much and I guess you too such that you came across towards me in small slots and wanted me to glance back, which you were already accomplishing time by time. But life is not that much short what we actually thing it is, at least it provides you few fruitful opportunities to carry out the fixations you actually crave, quite for some flashes. Although you were enough bashful and astonished with my high standards of exteriors, since did not utter a single word except some unbreakable constant glimpse towards me. but at that day I did realize it was not something that would come to an end, but was a new instigation which was totally inexplicable equally to both of us and never knew you are going to be my sun and moon , such that I would not be able to live with out you in day and night times and my whole peppering will be castled only and only with you, like the terrain of my very own fairy land ,own earth and sun, where every thing is ahead of being well because you are going to subsist with me , you and me only two enlightened souls and nothing could never could come in the way what we feel for each other, no laws , margins and directives two beloved, which can melt in each other when they want to. I never knew and guess you too and hence who knew.

Second confront was more than a real trance. Fascination that flew my heart to amuse it with your elation, the dropping rain you and me together alone, without any shade that we both preferred for us, like two naive birds , who did not know there home just wanted to fly away. I still remember the way other were staring on us , but you did not care at all and why would some one, because others are never have been more than the outsiders and you made me recognize that nobody can approach in the way what we sense for each other. You were mesmerized with the sanity of mine in the sopping garb and I was totally surprise by your strange expressions for me and I did find it was some thing that taking off towards new horizons and I called you friend the very first time, which I aspire, I can always with the same innocent nods. It was the first time I see my own reflection in your emulate eyes and was able to sense the tenderness of your body and soul through your warm respires, which I felt like zephyr in springs I never would liked to slip those valuable moments from my hands but you were a classical moron who told me you did not connote nothing at all. I guess it was my fault, who never gave you any chance to be ahead or always intimidated you when you wanted to have a word of your sagacity. But I never knew and hence who knew.

It was like everything that I had always wanted, tiny -tiny things and you were associated with each and every of them. The pain and the pleasure, the gloomy and the fine even the horrible and all the nutter with you always ascended with a step closer of your adore, like the small pastimes of staring in each others eyes and I had always lost it, do not know why to make you triumph or else I was enjoying my defeat, I never knew and hence who knew, your association with me and my heartbeats, I could not disregard and I did never undergo anything so existent like that before. That entire rendezvous with you at quarter pass two, in the witness of celestial moon, illuminated the adjoining and all those still but twinkling stars; such I could watch your firm matter with me and to perceive some seemingly thought for future. Sun lights up the day time and moon the night and my eyes light up every time you called my name. The time you when you clasped my hands I learnt the meaning of sense, because I had never faced the startling tremor like that before, I turned my face, was afraid but don’t know what made me to look back on your face, words came up to my mouth but were not able to split up, a current was streaming from side to side of the whole curve and with your finger you sealed what I wanted to utter like a sign of hysteria and was never prepared for it. With the sweet pat of your hands against my skin made me lose my mind body and soul. I had never felt some one so close before and was well aware to look my finest shatters in your eyeballs innate ones. Embracing you felt like a thunder stroke which could even deluge me away with an era and I wished time would have stopped at the same second and on the next one I was crawling on your sleeves. I was wondered of the part which was coming out of me at that time and you were falling apart in my bright eyes than and your love was like a shadow on me all the time like a total eclipse of hearts. I still feel there is nothing magical and wondrous in the whole universe the way we were at that time, irreplaceable ones. And I never knew this hence who knew.

I was kept on falling in you in and out because I have never seen some so enchanting like you before. With the perplex attraction of your spectacle was fully drawing me towards an concealed excitement like sand waits for tidal waves and sky always loves warm radiance of sun. Closeness was too diminutive to distinguish and with the first touch of your lips enough to fasten our hopes forever. Like a rose petal soaked in honey or like a fresh rain drop sweeter but incomparable to any continuation on gravel and I have not tasted some thing so sugary than before and was totally amused with your wiping outs. With untied hairs falling on your face was giving an entire endeavor. It was more than a dream that we lived together that’s why sky is still blue and clouds are rolling in. it was all love that I never needed before and it was night when two essences became one. It was the love who was leading our way and was making our world around; still I have all that impression on me like a tattoo and will always remain with me. By my top on your shoulders and hand on your bare chest I went to the pleasant dreams , which are going to escort our lives, with a hope to live always with as you and I both are together and closed my eyes with the wait for a implausible morning to come and to entitle my humanity again with you. Still I never knew few years before this would have ensued to me and hence who knew…………………………………

ps:-entire work of fiction dnt take it seriously pls

A MURDER MYSTERY!!!

2008-02-16T04:33:00.005-08:00

In trials of different genres of scripts, I am really taking pleasure in it and even enough appreciated by others and I am really grateful to them. I have endeavored much like peak to downhill, from fools to sages and from radiance to murk but was always tempted to write some mysterious stuff like anticipation or emissary. And, luckily I got an opportunity to engrave so.

It is the tale of a girl, a girl who was eagerly exploring the right things for her life as an ordinary girl would do at this period. In regular pursuing, she discovered nothing is going fine now sorrow is her company and wrong really loves her right. In out going transactions of her time, she met him an ordinary prominent and attentive boy, with the superiority of average elegance and a fountaining guise. it was not some thing, which she had always dreamed or a bit that could have always accomplished her.But, Like a typical contrive, their hearts intertwined and they established to live in an unusual kind of world. With the very first glance of eyes they adequately come along. The first sense of touch was enough to slack mind, body and soul and with the very first kiss on the lips they sealed their destiny for ever and were even ready to be quiet forever for other, with out even discerning the cause. It was definitely more than a love that’s why sky is still blue and clouds are still rolling in. But there is nothing that remains the same. It always spent even how stiffly you can struggle and so did turn out with them.

Girl was unaccompanied from a long time and was lingering for some thing be fond of like this to have effect or for some one like him to arrive in her existence. To whom, she could perfectly devote her self with even thinking of single judgment for rest of the upcoming. She cared for him, loved him and was ready to die for him with out any second thought. Teasing him and pleasing him, was totally addicted to him, even was not able to picture a single second of her life, if he would have not been with her. She assumed that it’s the best thing that happened to her in last years, some thing for which she was eagerly waiting from an extensive era and was not ready to fracture it. So she tried her potency, her love, her passions and her self to make it the immortal one and this was the deep from which she did love him which was totally incomprehensible by others, because it really calls for a rigid and precarious strength, which is some thing not possessed by all and sundry. And on goings she was wholly detained physically and mentally by his jaws of warmth and always made a rush when she used to hear his name with out even daring where she had been. But she never able to know that this massive tenderness was going ruthless for the boy and he was not able to tolerate this to any further extent. She was losing every thing her senses, her emotions and was dangerously in be keen on with him such that she did not allow him to lose a single moment of their lives and boy thought she is on the verse to be rounded to bend. Her insanity for him was crossing every limit of time, cause she was alone, a lonely heart and most important taken for granted, just to be protected from others and not to be unaided. He decided to interrupt this for a bit of period, other wise girl could have reached to the bottom of her trauma & would loss her self forever. But he did not aim to countenance the affairs or to resolve them and for the sake of the girl, who he had been asserted, to be his extremely loved one & oath to be always there for her even in sickness or hell. He let her knew that he can not put up with this and craved for a break, such that after a time all would be usual. Girl had nothing to go on further, because her finest delusion was smashed which she had seen for both of them and for her it was like an end of the world. Not more options were left, so she attained towards suicide, cut her seams for the guy, but was saved by another guy her old pal.

Nothing in the world ever remained so it alters and alters and some time as they say history repeats itself, some thing happened on their grounds as well. After a long break guy visited back, but the fixations were changed and were so singular than previous ones. It was the same flavor of spring, when again hearts were intertwined and the future was sealed too, but with the some one else. This time girl was with the other guy, who saved her from demise and from losing herself. A guy with enormous courage, because it’s really hard to love some thing which is not your own and it’s harder to attempt, to craft it your own. He mended her broken wings and healed her fissured & tormented smile. Now poses were swapped, this time other guy was standing by to die for her and was trying the most to alleviate her heart's soreness. But, this made our returned guy very scratchy, who always felt her as of his very own land, a cadaver with out numbness, sentiments and the expectations. He felt dying each and every instant, but was confounded why? Because girl was not narrated to him any more or else because girl was blissful with someone else and was getting all, which she craved from him a short time ago and he's fast just failed. he was falling and falling and every time she walked out of his doors, it made him finished little more from inside and he claimed her a murderer a breathe snatcher and finally when he was not able to find any way out he incised his veins too and tried to reached towards the final end, but was survived as well.

Both of them tried to take life from them selves, but were saved. Two self murders are there, for which guilty is always considered one self by law. But the matter still remains, in the two attempt of self murder, who is the actually culpable, who is supposed to be punished and tormented. The boy because of him girl reached towards death and changed a lot after and did not secure to his promise and was never able to comprehend the girl's feelings, the girl who went passionate to fill up her loneliness & did not wait for the boy in last, found her happiness with other guy and was not able to understand the boy. Or the nature, the divinity who always crafts this type of provisions, two erroneous people always come together and ended like this. It’s a huge mystery, still left to be solved because every one wants to know at last who is the real

MURDERER

MONKEY TO MAN

2008-02-14T03:35:00.000-08:00

Monkey and man both are quite recognizable to entire humanity, so there is no necessity to look in deep knowledge because all of us i wonder recognize them and can differ them. Monkeys are considered as primordial species of human kind that is, human were ape and after long renovations monkeys have been converted into man. Man that is what we are. But what they talk about are the corporeal alters, like we do not have any tail, we speak language, we use our feet to walk, we have different complexion and we do not jump. Even we are using technology implements like computer and all these physical bustles prove that the monkeys are now man. However these are only physical aspects, what about mental & cerebral portions? Do we have been switched mentally too into man or still we are on verse or we are like our primevals? This was the question in my mind from a long time so I decided to make a research and what next I am going to articulate is my thesis work so please pay a little more attention to it. Once I watched two kids bantering on some thing, after a long while one kid said to other after seeing you one could easily say that men were monkeys, in next moment the other kids answered wittily after seeing you one can easily find out men are still monkeys. I was astonished on the kid’s argument that what monkey thing he saw in him. So, I decided to find the answer by my self after since it is my very own investigation, so I have to do little hard work. I am aware of the features of monkeys, so it was not the hard work what I had to do, was to explore the environment in which I am residing and I did so. Well, I live in a socially gathered group of people who are living together for the sake to bright there future and to learn things so it was my fortune that I got a privilege to study some extremely astute and accomplished people with higher degree of skills.

My first encounter was occurred in mess luncheon, where I was sitting and was eating my food and suddenly Mr. C appeared and sat front on me and in further going I noticed him that he was facsimileing my activities, the way I was taking my food, the way I speak and all of my gestures. I was impressed. Surprised, why because I found my first subject. As far as I know the major instinct of monkeys is that ,they try to copy others and adapt them, great bravo he was an expert. I studied him. Again, I was sitting in my class room and was feeling bore like others. Mean while, I heard a sound like khi-kho-khu, it was Mr. B who was producing these very interesting clatters. it was not the first time I heard it from him because it is his usual way living activity(although a normal person would be dared to do this) but it was the first time I really noticed, it I tried to trap it, why? Because this is the second major attribute of monkeys that they try to grasp the attentions by producing this type of blare and thank god I got my second subject to study. now the third instinct of monkeys is that they are really redundant people like refugees always stir here and there and suddenly emerge with out any cause, always interested in other people with out any self query ,pick the things or starts to jump main aim is to disturb other , hassle them specially rational. Like Mr. A, who jolted my room's door at morning 7 am, when he might have known that, I was sleeping and was not even interested to see him in day times but he did so and I got my third and final subject.

But there is one very good quality of monkeys they live in groups which are called troops, not alone and gives a very sweet message of unity even if you can not withstand the other person but your faith would always be still majority of the group is the must. Like, they scoff together, they sleep together, they jump together but never bath together (coz monkeys generally do not take shower so often). And luckily, I found one troop sorry group in my surroundings, a renowned one, from long time being together like a fevicol bond (I guess since when we have started this bright future's journey), it was the gods grace that bestowed on me. As, I mentioned earlier they follow the all activities what it needs to make a troop, same facades to the mankind (quite resembles with monkeys even) and very faithful to each other. But, no troop or group can stay alive or move ahead without any leader which could guide (misguide in case of monkeys) them splendidly. I stumbled upon to there leader Mr. D recently in specific set room where, I asked him to hush for class's sake but instead of that he produced a louder noise like a thud, such that coach came there, it was the best subject to study for sure , why it was not supposed to be?
He was the chief of the troop!!!

A troop leader of monkeys should have four main qualities
1. Arrogant 2. Inane3. Dilettante 4.Haughty

with the sham pomposity of being the best that’s why I am the boss!!!
It seemed to me that he had mastered in these affairs. A troop leader never knows how to take routes for the flock. He takes them anywhere even after that the other inhabitants are going to hurl junk on them or bang them brutally, but troop leader though always put the weight of problems on some other affiliates. It was perfect. mean time I studied some other case a huge guy with enormous weight and volume and shaggy with a huge gigantic cadaver, glanced like a chimpanzee, instead of monkey and one more guy who although had not had any of the impulses or characteristics mentioned above but his name pronounces quite same like Indian monkeys the BANDAR.

Now, I guess the kid was right. I have studied so much just on acquaintances but he would have been his pal and friends know most of the things about each other. So probably he would have been cleared about his actual and basic instincts, as now I am. After this, I can conclude that, although it’s been enough transformations from monkey to man but still some are left, fewer physically , a lot mentally and at the day when this transformation would be completed, we will proudly state that monkeys are just primordial species of human kind and we have been totally transformed from

MONKEY TO MAN

ps:- this piece of writing is purely work of fiction, in case of any resemblance with living or dead would be totally a case of vast coincident comments are genuinely invited

thank you
author

FIEND OF MINUTE AFFAIRS!!!

2008-02-11T00:58:00.000-08:00

it was normal after noon , i was fed up of my normal mess luncheon. so, i decided to skip it and left to take my lunch at a popular cafeteria which is normally a temple , but famous as a victual centre tempting.i order some junk food and was able to know they do not serve it anymore because a rule was passed my health ministry that no fast food would be served in colleges and schools and university was totally abide with this rule strictly. good going cool at least now we are understanding and following the rules , and it would have been a new but gracious beginning. so with a cheering smile i left the place and suddenly i gazed a boy may be 10-11 aged was washing & rinsing dishes and it took me to think that is not there a rule that child labor is offense in India and they can not make a child work at the most eye catching spot of the university and now we and our university do not have any regulation for this still since we are getting strict day by day and not serving fast food for student help. but i guess he was not an academical apprentice and thats why this is not abide by rules, fundamental approach. university rules are for those who study here or work departmentally. this does not end here i like to mention about our hostel. our hostel administration is very strict, they could even lock their room if your are failed to submit some vital documents and have every authority to kick you out of rooms because they say they also follow every rule and regulation. but still they do not have a single problem with boys serving in our mess, because they are not hostel inmates so they do not come in laws of hostel regulation, although Indian law does not permit these things but here is important to follow university law like whether we have our very own constitution.

but these are not only the cases if you see any where child laboring is increasing day by day and in India about 33% of labor is serving by children and all the rules of regulation are only left in books and papers in reality we are the one who increasing then, giving them support of work and giving our very own contribution in this fair play . why because they eat less, they breathe less, they need less and the most important one they demand less, which is the basis of every work good or bad , fair or unfair. once my mother told me "the way it comes , the way it goes" and i guess why i am losing weight here since when i have came, because the serving has became verminous and its not able to nourish me any more.

this is not the end. a very contemporary topic of today"adoption is an option" last winters i got a privilege to accompanied my mother to an orphanage . she wanted to donate some stuffs before winters and i went with her. although i did not like the idea much, still i crwaled with her there to see whats going on there a totally different kind of world for all of us 'the family people'. last year only fewer adoption were made only boys typical Indian mentality. and the cases among were only those people who were not able to fertile and had tried every single thing or those who needed some inheritor, girls adoptions totally sifar and adopters were for none except themselves. now i guess the slogan should be some thing-"adoption is the last option" which could definitely fulfill the actual conditions and circumstances. condition. what did i write? conditions were worse than i had expected even. since only fewer donations were made and still they were waiting with big hopes to survive the winters. person on desk told me that every year they got donations which are not enough at all and the elite or aristocrat of people never come there may be their presence would enlightens the place so much that it would remain tough at all. even we do not crave new thing but people are become so gluttonous and self interested that they are not ready even to donate their old stuff, clothes etc which they finally through up. i told him pls remember charity begins at home so thats why they are not accomplishing here because whole of their strength has been involved in home fixations. so simple!. i could not believe it. nah thats not the condition of India. i mean is it really so clumsy that we are living is such a great scarcity that we can not make charity for a single piece of old jersey or some extensive for some one who needed it a lot. we can through them up or can exchange them with some other goods but can not donate to a person for whom it could be candle in wind or like a Christmas carol would make it cheer at least. India's population is 1.2 billion and among 1.2 i guess,among them .4 are those who can at least bestow a penny ful thing to other old or new can serve them to endure the life or bring at least a smile but still we do not. why no answer may other .4 billion -1 will care for this i should not!!

what i am saying is not new at all all of us know about this, identify it but not think about it. may be i guess we are so much eventful in our selves, eating,thinking,breathing, walking, entertaining. we have every thing thats why we should not think about those parts which are not our belongings , ya sure even if i would have time, i should think about my scarcities not for those who are living in an underworld which can not be raised even if i would try from the deepest core, after all you know i am no god.this can be one of the reason that people are writing so much about technology, poems, about illuminations, fun & comic,sports and games , nuclear deals and alliances to be made, even nick names and movies but not about this,because this wont bring any fame or would not add dozens of comments in your post,its not unique and never less a crappy issue to be discussed & at last we are totally normal. i am a normal person as well, so normal; who thinks about him self , owns necessities, pleasure, fun and frolic. i can spend money on expensive attires or on exclusive mobiles and gadgets, for pleasure on imbibes through which i am really gaining a lot standard of living.but every time i love to give my raucous opinions about the poverty or life in slums because i know that, i am not the part of it and its painless to articulate those outlooks which are not going to be held with me. i am becoming more and more human day by day as time is passing, there is no one who can judge my faith because. i have chopped most of the things, my family, my pals , my possessions and most of the people who used to be closed to me . i am a person who always trying to be exalted and if i would not i will tow down the others even if it would be my preeminent companion and these minute thing now do not adhere me at all, why coz i am really on a safer side i have most of the things and on averse to have the rest. i really do not consider that life second synonym is mischief and i have fully forgotten that there is no day which never sets. why should i be take the pain there are 1.2 billion already and after all i have given my enough contribution that i could have possibly done. i am happy, why should not i be, i have became a skeleton who is choking for a crust of bread just to prove his existence.
I AM FIEND OF MINUTE AFFAIRS.

i wanna be somebody else

2008-01-28T09:14:00.000-08:00

through out of my life i am thinking why i am so,why god has chosen me to be so. there are so many things in life, the good , the bad and the ugly, so much wonderful that why the hell dumb and the dumber has been bestowed on me, no glitters no perks at all. no award or reward and have always toped from the last. never win the first place and have never been in a team.i was never able to take directions and my clothes were never remained cleaned. have always stink like blow fish , always remain in water but still the odor why god everyday i fight against the mirror and can not withstand person stared back at me.i am so hazard to my self and i would never able to get me. now i have to change, be like other some popular faces. doctor doctor pls prescribed me some thing and doctor said all you have to change is every thing you are. sure i will i have to be eminent and want more and more friends and pals.

i will be like other guy studious and diligent. i am reading 24 hrs a day like him, no sleeping no relax nothing , but the hell i fall asleep in exams , oh god left the whole paper and finally got the first F of my life.it was not for me. i like to be the another guy in my class best brain in market, economic, analytical and sharp. papers, books and journal i am going to follow every thing and will be in strong management. prepare and prepare , but result my mind is wobbling, eye sight have become poorer and i got the lowest marks of my academics.its was not me for sure. i should be creative ,should have try some thing in arts, i will write poem like another guy of my class, praising and bright. i wrote the one but was hell every body did laugh and made me chew the same thing and was badly assaulted.mean while broke my feet in dancing and teared my vibrant sketches. i can not pursue this, its boring and time consuming. i should be like another guy of my class, he is fair and gorgeous , and nothing to do , except complexion and appearances, not at all a tough job with out any effort. motions and lotions, packs and pills, but i got a reaction and looking more hideous than ever, instead of an eye catcher now i am a eye obstruction. oh god so irritating.....

i should play games and gyming for sure. healthy body is the key of success i guess. like another guy of my class he plays paramount and the most admired one . i tried too, but ended with a fracture and instead of presumed running i am not able to walk even. weight much lesser than before and had to be admitted in hospital because of the losses i did. nah work hard , too hard. i should be like another guy of my class, teachers pet. tried this too, but, rounds and rounds of teachers boot licking hard work like a jackass. but instead of praise , because of my small mistake teacher kicked me out and i lost my post. socials are really dull. i should be cool dude like another guy , must have a girl friend and that will compensate every thing . i found one and to get her i became more and more polite reached to hers family even n greeted her brother with warmness. but again things went wrong and for all of my hospitality i was hostiled. i think i should be modern like other guy smoking and drinking. i have started doing so, but mother caught me at home and again through me out. this was not for me for sure.

than what is for me , now i am annoying myself and problem is same still i do not have friends at all. god pls help me because after doing all this i have really proved that i am hazardous to myself.i wanna be cool, i wanna be popular, i wanna be strong and i wanna be modern
i really wanna be some body else.......

I OUGHT TO BE WITH YOU

2008-01-28T00:53:00.000-08:00

i had lived for fortune, i had lived for the fame
lived for the powers just to play games
i have been all there before
but was nothing more than to bore
life was ring until enter in spectacle
now in path there was not obstacle
like a fountain that promises forever young
dozen of roses to prove eternal love
you hand me the world on silver platter
people want it all , i really do not care
every thing will be nothing if you ain't there
you are always have been in my side
to help me dry the tears i have cried
you are my power, my pleasure , my fame
you have fixed all those broken things
and repaired all of my broken wings
had controlled chaos in my mind
you were always ready to be with me
when i always belonged to some one else
looked for me, i the one with broken smile
a lonely heart , not to stay more than a while
is what others have described with a furious rile
i do not mind spending everyday with you
out corner of your in the pouring rain
it has not always rainbows and butterflies
but the hard time has made the plies
highly complicated to understand by others
because they have never been more than strangers
people want it all , i really do not care
every thing will be nothing if you ain't there
nothing in this whole world will mean anything
if i ain't got you and you are not with me

for some one dearest to me........

A NOTION

2008-01-27T22:38:00.000-08:00

All is fair in love and war
in war think with your head
in love with your heart
but in both All the little things you do
Will always end up coming back to you

try to sense

WHY WHY WHY......

2008-01-18T11:20:00.000-08:00

what i had not done for you
such that you never cared for me
what i was not doing for you
such that you never cherished me
what could i have done for you
such that you never understood me
what i had not given to you
such that you always said no to me
where i had not accompanied you
such that you never took me wherever i want
what i had not dreamed for you
such that you crushed my heart and leave me
what i had contradicted to you
such that you never told things to me
when i had ignored and overlooked you
such that you always made plans with others
what i had denied and defied to you
such that you strangled me on every move
what i had hided from you
such that you never uttered truth to me
when i was not faithful to you
such that you always cheated on me
and now do you want me to die for you
such that you are not leaving me
just tell me why
than why you had done all this to me
why why why , just tell me why.................

DANGEROUSLY LOVING CHARM..............

2008-01-18T10:46:00.001-08:00

you are so strange, so strange to my world
never have met you and always like to hear you
always try to teach you but never able to reach you
so communication is the only thing that i do
be with you is like every thing
and it feels even more than a king
you are so far and i can not be with you
but every time i try to investigate who are you
how beautiful those feet would be
that are always ready to show me a vibrant path
how divine those eyes would be
that always chose forgiveness not the harsh
how radiant that face would be
that always ready to bring a smile
how supple those hands would be
which are always ready to make me warm
how peaceful that mouth would be
that always speak tender and make me calm
how innocent that heart would me
that always ready to bleed with out any harm
and how beautiful that person in whole would be
sun brave lion, my dangerously loving charm

with lost of love , care , affection,admire and every thing that can or could be possible......

WITH OUT YOU

2008-01-18T02:25:00.000-08:00

life is going crazy, i really do not know why
i can not build any think just in night
and love always takes more than a time
people always swore is of as a phase
nobody can see it in a perfect chase
i sense it every time when you come close
you always make me loose my mind , body and soul

now too short is too long and i can not be with out you
wait till you come home cause i can not sleep with out you
music is too melodic and i can not hear it with out you
trance is too sugary and i can not sense it with out you
whole globe now knows i can not live with out you
every thing is too hard to fake and nothing can replace
but i just can not be with you

i have a question for myself , even i know the answer
but i always like to ask it how much you love me
you gave me strength when i was weak
you were my voice when i could not speak
you gave me wings and made me fly
you hold my hand so i could touch the sky
you were the one who saw your whole world in me

now too short is too long and i can not be with out you
wait till you come home cause i can not sleep with out you
music is too melodic and i can not hear it with out you
trance is too sugary and i can not sense it with out you
whole globe now knows i can not live with out you
every thing is too hard to fake and nothing can replace
but i just can not be with you

you have always stayed at every times
from black to white & from day to dark
life with out you is dare to imagine
you have lied and even made me cry
but you have got down deep in my heart
you are real and you are for sure
be with out you i can not go any more

now too short is too long and i can not be with out you
wait till you come home cause i can not sleep with out you
music is too melodic and i can not hear it with out you
trance is too sugary and i can not sense it with out you
whole globe now knows i can not live with you
every thing is too hard to fake and nothing can replace
but i just can not be with you

f for some who is very special and has been done every thing i could have craved without even asked...............

CIRCLE OF LOVE

2008-01-16T05:03:00.001-08:00

a wait forever

a hope to live

a path to go

a heart to desire

RESULT-> highly uncertain such that you would not be able to believe on your self.......
just stir and blur between truths and lies and than an end , some thing you would have not imagined before entering the love CIRCUS. a complete lost and highly complicated . better leave it and take a straight way just think about yourself and about the the beautiful life you already have.....
best wishes

A THOUGHT

2008-01-15T21:56:00.000-08:00

We make them cry who care for us.
We cry for those who never care for us.
And we care for those who will never cry for us.
This is the truth of life.,its strange but true.
Once u realize this,
its never too late to change.

->PERPETUAL<-

2008-01-15T21:05:00.000-08:00

I am so tired, so tired of being here
A round circle with no end
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And you are going leaving me alone
But if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
Cause your presence still lingers here
And it will never leave me alone

my wounds wont seem to heal
And this pain is just too real
There is too much that time cannot erase

When you'd cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
when you'd fell I'd called you on stairs
when you'd fear I'd caught you on rivers
I held your hand through all of these years
But you left me alone here
You still have all of me
And i have nothing of you

You used to captivate me by your murkish light
Now I don't want to bound by the life you left behind
Your face has haunted all My pleasant dreams
Your voice has chased away All the sanity of mine
Vodka and a packet of cigarettes you on with your supplies
And have made your mistakes on your own times
Even spitting in my eyes I can still see

My wounds wont seem to heal
And this pain is just too real
There is too much that time cannot erase

I have tried so hard to tell myself that you are gone
And i have to be all alone by myself
But though my love is still with me
Will always remain with me
And that will be my own immortal

THE LOVE AND THE FRIEND

2008-01-15T03:15:00.000-08:00

its very hard to survive single we need other people with us and can not survive alone i guess. family , friends and love. i never able to understand the difference between friend and love , which i have just done. nah not from a book or some concepts , but through my very own life an open book and the experiences always teach us so many thing like i have learned just now. i used to have so many friends and among them a especial one , talking, chatting, playing laughing and even crying . there was nothing that we had not shared. most of the time together with purpose and without purpose there have been not any reason or friend did not any ask, to be with him. a coolness was there a smoothness was there until love came in my life. my life started to change in each and every way. my of my hours i squandered with love and love was there for me always. i had given every thing i could have and love did too. life was getting towards new horizons and a sort of completion i started to feel. long nights together holding each other caring other like never before and more than a 100 % relation and it started to go on so. my time always passes and nothing remains the same a long period was passed in mean while i was too near to the love and had become to far from my friend who was always there for me before. i met the love and i forgot that friend would have been waiting for me but i was too thrilled with new journey that i did not want to look back. i got the love

time changed, season changed and the love too. now love was not seeing any glow on my face like before or was not able to feel the same harmony so ceased to give any more of his precious time to me. left me alone and according to love every thing was fine because love was doing fine and i was , that was not the question even . i suddenly met my friend , smiled and asked me your not glowing and eyes are not glittering , after so much day i was a bit happy at least there was some one who cared for my glow and the glitters the two words i have forgotten because love was not interested to utter them at all , was better interested in dollar bills and the golden lead which were going to give love, any thing and i . i had given every thing what i could have so the matter of glitters and glow was not at all important because they wont let any thing. anyways i got the friend life got some thing to be cheer up. on my birthday i was eagerly waiting for a knock on 12 and on 12 it was just happened. i can not believe he did , with extreme joy i opened the door and i was surprised to see my friend , because i thought it would be love. was little poignant but was more than happy that at last friend was with me and was there to celebrate a day which comes once a year. one day i was not getting any slumber and asked the love do a party or to natter but love rejected the offer because the morning meeting was to important than any thing and again i had to go to the friend who was ready to talk for whole night with out caring of time & morning his sleep & told me if i wont ask it to the friend than to whom else i would have. again the same glow started to appear but was not for sure.

love again rejected the plans of full holidays and leave me alone for a summit with out giving a single sight to my poor begged face who was constantly saying if you were not, than to whom i should ask for? and again when i was awaken friend was there for me to consummate rest of the time free or busy i don't know and even i still not able to understand my friend, a person who did not refuse any thing i would have said or asked and was always ready for me anywhere any place, a person of tremendous warmness i guess. on the same time love also refused so many thing what we had dreamed earlier together and leaving me alone and again, again and again. nothing was remain important for love than its own life and consumption expect love was always interested only in short plays thats all .what was left nothing that i thought would be and no sooner i realized the love is the among those persons who can love nobody except themselves. and when i asked friend .friend told me every thing will be fine, take care ,your problem is you think from heart not like others and when i told same to love love told some thing wobbled my mind, that every thing is fine and problem is myself and i think a lot and demand. both told me the same thing but i got the point. with out delaying further it was time to take decision and i did so .left the love or better the faked love because it was the time to understand the actual love was a phony and it was the friend who was always there for me like the true love and had done every thing what i have ever desired with my very own friend. it was not me the only one we all do the same, we never care for a friend who always take care for us, warm us share our sorrows and cheer us but as we get the love with out realizing its authenticity we run for it and than crashed us buy our selves. i guess friendship builds on the grounds of warmness and concern, constant care and feeling to do better than the best for the friend and the basis of love is i guess expectations and desires and as they filled up no concern a total ignorance. and now i just thank the god to help me to learn this on time otherwise i really do not know what would have happened.

yah i love the friend and it was the first time i had realized it. friend was always there when i craved the love, late night chats, especial day, hearth warming holidays and the days of sorrows, a shoulder to cry , a lap to sleep, friend was the one who gave me more than the things i have ever expected . helped me to realize my inner eminence which were strange to my self even.like a sun which never amends and always illuminates the your path in each and every situation of your life but love was like the moon changes phase and forms every day and one day leave you in a dark night with out giving a single idea .where to go. thats why i guess its a saying friends are forever really do not know to whom i should be more thank full, to friend for all of his love care and stand ups for me or the fake love, if was not there i would have never able to realized my innocent feeling for friend. i guess to both . i pray let god give every thing to friend what ever he desired or wants and also help me to fill up my part for him what i had left in mid way and for love let god rest and peace.....

TATTOO

2008-01-14T11:04:00.001-08:00

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later I get what I’m asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
The truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger I gotta let my spirit be free
To admit that I’m wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on and leave you behind

I can’t waste time so give it a moment
I realize nothings broken
No need to worry about everything I’ve done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don’t look back got a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You’re still a part of everything I do
You’re on my heart just like a tattoo
Just like a tattoo
I’ll always have you

Sick of playing all of these games
It’s not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror didn’t deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could stop
Admit that I’m wrong and then change my mind
Sorry but I’ve gotta be strong and leave you behind

If I live every moment
Won’t change any moment
There's still a part of me in you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything I do, oh

evanescence

2008-01-14T10:07:00.000-08:00

i have nothing to go on, every thing has been dried up and left are going to be soaked up, imaginations are blurred up and creativities are choked up , inspirations are dead because the cause of every thing is no longer with me any more and every thing has been gone leaving me empty . its was a phony or spurious , and i thought one day it would be real, a real dork. might be an evanescence it was, in each and every way like me. i feel the same because after losing every thing now i can not survive any more like before with out my thoughts, time, desires,feelings moments every thing and the cause. the wounds are not seems to heal and pain is too much to be real. its so much, perhaps so much that time would never able to erase it. was so hard to tell my self that every thing has gone and was much harder to believe it. but i had to, because there no other options available i guess, i have lost my self in the circles and going to be an evanescence for sure...........................and now a good bye to the circus